I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
Sorry I wasn't really responding earlier. I was really fucking high and so into that car chase.
Just saw a porn entitled "Nad Biter". Redheads are now forever out of the picture.
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
If is anything like my past relationships, I have no doubt that I will single-handedly reignite the Cold War
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
Randomize
