Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
I wish there were birth control emojis
Something about getting whistled at in my work clothes while crossing the street with three Nuvarings in my back pocket feels wrong.
They want yo temporarily sterile ass.
You need a sexual gate keeper
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
first time i ever mailed panties back to a fuck buddy. what better of a way to say its over
things were going awesome until jimmy put out a cigarette in the everclear.
It took me three days, but I managed to nearly get arrested on my way out of LA. Made it to the airport. Crisis averted, though. The real crime is, my flight is delayed two hours.
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out
Is it immoral to trade sex for the use of his laundry room?
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
Randomize
