I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
I met the friendliest cop last night
but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
Peeing off the roof of a motel lighting a cigar with matches and speaking fluent spanish with a chilen exchange student...how do iget into these situations?
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
I think it may of been me pulling down my pants is why she walked away.
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
Realizing life ain't all about burritos and strippers, it's a struggle out there, and it ain't looking pretty so far,..
I'm trying to blow this guy down here can you please get my husband out of the house.
had more orgasms than hours of sleep last night
There is sex in the air. Be careful where you walk.
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
Randomize
