So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
Yeah I hope so. Definately just saw two freshmen in very authentic togas and cotton ball beards. This new class is stepping it up.
Ive been using palmolive to shower with for he last week, dont tell me about not having money. Im heading to the bar r u going.
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
she bonged a coffee cause she was hungover. then she bonged a beer cause she got ambitious. then she barfed. then she had to start over again.
He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
Think of it this way, instead of a puppy, we're getting a baby.
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
Awkward sister question: which game of thrones female left would you fuck?
It all started with sending him a text about Spongebob. It escalated from there.
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
I don't remember anything but bad decisions last night
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
Randomize
