Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
Yes i believe i did use that word. It culminated in a man wearing a corset thigh highs and stripper shoes. All mine btw.
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
ill do whatever it takes for me to get more high and eat pie
I am trapped in a bar with french tattooed drug dealers who also blow glass art. Just in case this is bad, know what happened.
There's a naked man in my car right now.
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
I'm officially no longer allowed to make any of my own decisions regarding alcohol, men, or the combination of both. Thats up to you now. Do me proud.
Things are coming back to me in chunks. I vaguely remember signing a shirt that said 'I enjoy vagina'
I AM SO PROUD OF YOU
NOTHING IN THE WORLD IS GOOD SOFT
NOT ICECREAM NOT DICKS
NOTHING
Sex with you deserves a trophy and a day of remembrance in honor of it.
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
Pooping in a box is not fun. You're not a cat.
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