I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore
Dude. I have been looking at your movie history on netflix and it is like looking at the rings of a tree. Only instead of telling me how old you are, it tells me when you were stoned.
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
I mean he did ask and he said it's cold out but i didn't realize we were that comfortable hahaha sex is one thing but borrowing a sweatshirt?
Locking that text forever.
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
It's taking every bit of my restraint not to go to the store and buy chips and cake and like steal someone's dog. PMS is so weird.
I feel like ditching all logic and responsibility and get shit-faced before the week's over. Thoughts?
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
Randomize