The girl here has a popped collar. Can I slap her?
Yes. For all mankind please do.
Is masturbating to pics of your ex on Facebook considered cheating?
You are proof that most things are best left unsaid.
Is it bad that I stopped wanting to fuck her as soon as I noticed she had dry skin?
I sometimes completely doubt that you're straight.
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
I was just compiling a top 5 blowjobs list and that's in there for sure.
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
The staff doesn't like it when you try and take your wheelchair for a joy ride since I've been waiting for an hour and a half.
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
Pencil dick carries the name proudly.
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
I need your opinion, is it ACTUALLY sweet that a booty call offered to walk me home with an umbrella because it was raining, or is that just low standards?
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
Randomize