anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
we smoked out of your homemade aunt jamima bong
Literally I thought my ears were pouring out blood. That high.
Did you get an erection too during Paul Ryan's speech?
Forgot my sound was off and didnt even realize it until halfway through because I thought I could hear it. I think high me just narrated half a clip of adventure time
Well, I washed his beard with dish soap and then I fucked him three times.
That guy has been pretty randomly in and out of my vagina for 4 years...I don't think I'm required to tell him when I'm dating.
Good point.
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
We had sex in the church bell tower and somehow it still feels right.
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
I'm at 45 minutes post orgasm, and I still feel my insides spasming. Pretty sure I just fucked Superman.
FIVE TIMES AND I HAVENT GOTTEN OFF ONCE
literally yelled NOOOO right before he finished .. yelled “five times and I still haven’t gotten off” when he was still inside me ..
Said “don’t worry I’ll get myself off tomorrow” to top it all off
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
Hey long story short Grandma needs bail money.
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