some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
Ok I might come if this chair quits being so great...I'm also seeing this bush in the corner turn into a witch
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
Breakfast-of-shame with my mother. I was in half of a sexy Mad Hatter costume. We had artisan bagels and judgement.
Me focusing on not shitting my pants is keeping me awake.
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
The sign say "Kereoke" strip bar. 5 more beers and ill be ready to rumble.
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
I was giving him a handjob in the woods and a family walked by
I HAD SEX WITH COLBY AND HIS FIVE YEAR PLAN IS TO STEAL A REALLY EXPENSIVE PAINTING AND ASKED ME IF ID BE INTO HELPING HIM AND I WOKE UP IN HIS BED TO A WOMANS TUBE TOP NEXT TO ME
Guess who cheated on their SATs? Also on the same line guess who's getting in to Princeton at damn near free of charge?
Randomize
