My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
no normal human would even think about making waldo slutty but you
Sounds good. Stay safe. I'm kind of drunk in a Food 4 Less right now and I'm having the time of my life.
Tell me you didn't really piss in the hookah.
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
he was definitely tindering while i gave him head
Are you sexting with minion stickers right now?
He had a cruise ship of a dick and I need to set sail on that ocean again
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
Randomize
