Are u religion class? I'm on my way, I have cum in my hair. tell u later.
My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
I puked up my nose. THAT kind of night
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
He fucked me harder than I've ever been fucked before and afterwards he started crying and profusely apologizing to god and baby Jesus for his sin.
Randomize
