his penis was like watching paranormal activity your very hyped up to see it but you think it might be very scary and in the end you didnt really see anything at all
I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
Last night we hooked up in nothing but out UK shirts during half time. Never say I'm not a dedicated fan again.
I think rendering her infertile would be a valid community service project
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
Ya know, since we do have alot of sex with each other i figure i should wish you a happy valentines day
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
Successful first night. Lost my phone. Front desk found it. Earthquake in wine country. Didn't feel it.
My ex's new girlfriends ex boyfriend is getting me my nipples pierced for Valentine's Day so who's the real winner here
Let's get the cat blown out
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
It's magical, I'm just dancing. It's like prom but by myself and with less clothes.
Randomize
