i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
It smells like Drakkar Noir and desperation out here.
That's why you should quit smoking.
just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
I walked in and she was doing shots, betting the managers if any of the customers would notice, and screaming that nothing would ruin her Saturday night. Say what you want, I like working with my sister.
We've been here 3 hours and the only 1 word answer she didn't give was the drink order. Don't think I'm getting laid tonight
He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
I just used Bacardi to dry out poison ivy.
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
It was a bad idea to take ecstasy with cats in the house. No animal likes being touched that much. Let me know how your eye feels tomorrow
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
Randomize
