A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
sent the pic of my tit to the wrong bbm chatroom
the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
Sorry really high. We have no lighter so we're lighting the bowl with rolled up paper towels lit by candle which also lit with a rolled up paper towel that we lit with the stove eye
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
It's pitch dark except for the glow sticks, someone turned the heat up as high as it would go and the bathroom is flooded. Also think I just stepped on someone's face.
I ate her out for so long I might actually shit a vagina
there's no way I could forget finding someone else's hand in my pants
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
You can only use the "she handcuffed me naked to your bed, i couldn't do anything, sorry bro" excuse once.
You have a tempurpedic. you only have you to blame.
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