its good for cellulite if you don't wear underwear. its true
dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
We used the solo cup bag for her hair tie. Desperate times call for desperate measures.
We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
I think I'd rather see her get hit by a car in one of those Russian dash cam videos on YouTube.
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
Randomize
