I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
just saw a guy try to order booze in his coffee at 8 am.
people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
First off, get on bc solely in preperation for this event. Second, as my little sister you have a lot of whore to live up to.
I've awoken at 3am again, in a night terror, just thinking about how big his dick was.
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
Is this the guy that did shots off my ass at the beach? Haha
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
Can't decide if this guy is hot or if I'm just bored.
Sex is clearly the solution either way.
It was marvelous. I was drunkenly conversing with my professor in some of the best Spanish I've ever spoken.
Randomize
