I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
Just sold a bike on craig's list for 4 four lokos and a 40. How bad do you miss college?
four loko is officially banned. leave it to the kids from a state school to fuck it up for everyone
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
There is a hole in her door about 2 inch in diameter. You may see me on YouPorn
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
She's one of those people who could be either 16 or 23. In which case she's too old for me or in dangerously jailbait territory for you, bro.
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
She shouldn’t care what consenting adults do behind closed doors
You do realize it was her husband you were hooking up with behind that door, right?
All I heard was "sit on my face" "okay" and muffled screaming. I'm still disappointed.
Randomize
