My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
took shots out of a medicine cup. i can get used to college.
so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
It's only been a week and i've already broken my no summer randoms rule twice.
I think that's the key to being an adult though... Get those rapid fire beer shits out I the way early, then you can go about your grown man business
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
In that state of mind I managed to bounce back from getting hit by a golf cart and convince an investigations officer that I was okay to go into the game.
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
i think ive been high everyday since ive met you
This is a test message to see whether or not the recipient is alive.
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
Randomize
