listen. just hotwire a car, take off the license plate, make up a new one on a sheet of paper and go the speed limit. i do it like, at least 3x a week.
i kinda want to bang the mythbusters girl... i bet she's got a nice snapper
My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
There is a girl in bio drinking beer out of a starbucks cup with a straw
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
I'm gonna have sex with a woman...help
I may do that, fyi I'm even more sore than I was yesterday. It's like the ghost of your dick is still inside me.
Just took my birth control pill next to the cubicle where we had sex last semester.
i think he just broke into a bike shop his last text said something about hiding in some tree
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
hotdog in my bra and i still managed to score. Got a bit freaked when he tried to eat it though. I paid 3 bucks for that fucking hotdog.
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
Randomize
