Helping high family members not look retarded is what family is for
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
I had to feed him the pizza because he was too blazed to do it himself
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
Kyle found me outside his apartment in the hallway. Said he didn't hear me knock bt smelled alcohol through the door. I'm sucha bitch to my liver
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
i just found a red feather stuck to my penis and i really wanted to send you a picture but too much
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
Im like a saiyan, last weekends hangover will only make me stronger
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
Banged a guy with 2 broken arms once. Top that
...hi
YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELF
Ok cool I was afraid you'd never speak to me again. I can work with this.
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