I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
I hate the hobo that sits outside our building
Joe or Chris?
do i even wanna kno y u kno their names?
well i came home drunk one night and Chris offered me a beer as i was coming in, it was kinda weird but i wasn't goin to deny a free beer. you're proolly talkin about Joe though, he's the one with the fucked up eye.
Everything that you guys said happened came back to me. like a tidal wave of regret.
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
He whispered "Are you feeling it now Mr. Krabs?" when he was inside me. That is NOT my fetish.
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
You laid on the floor and pet their rug. and then demanded Voss water.
Randomize
