Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
...She then said get into the spirit and started making firecracker noises while having sex
I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
It was like getting head from an anaconda
I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
woke up this morning and she was gone. but she left a box of donuts on the counter with a note saying "for all the 'o's you gave me last night"
Randomize
