Don't cheat on me with the blonde bimbo religi freak
I wouldn't touch her with a ten foot pole
She's blonde
His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
At best buy, little boy just crawled into my stall while i was taking a shit
Ya know, years from now when that kid is old enough, I'll get to regale him with the story of how I was his father's AND uncle's first gay experience.
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
This morning on my way to work I saw a guy ride his bike straight into a woman and her dog while trying to light a bowl. Thought of you.
He's thawing a cheesecake on his stomach. We're that high.
I asked what it takes to be a good delivery driver, my new boss said "always keep these in your vehicle" as he handed me a flashlight and a blunt. I'm going to like this job.
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