Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
Free beer happened. I got hammered and aaron did his first keg stand. Then went all martha stewart on redecorating the bathroom. I remember being at walmart
What theme did he decide on for the bathroom?
Well as you know martha loves the northeast this time of year. I believe the theme was 'coney island' decorrated with hot dogs and macaroni
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
Drunk you assumed that me saying I thought squirrels were cute meant for you to trap one in my car by luring it in with ham. You're going to hell for this.
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
Just to warn you I probably wont be able to do anything that involves standing up
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
We've been taking shots, cranking Marilyn Manson, and eating your bacon. Your kid is probably ruined.
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
RICK FUCKING MORANIS!!!!!
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
Randomize
