hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
yeah, but i heard shes schizophrenic
i wouldn't even care dude, i'd fuck her and all 7 of her personalities.
The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
The bathroom is trashed. Someone took down all the rings of the shower curtain and Scott threw up on the curtain liner. All the soap and shampoo is in the guest bedroom and the lightbulbs are in a drawer. And there are vom footprints.
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
It was some time between the gurgles of her blowing me to us throwing up in the same bucket afterwards that I realized we would be doing this a lot.
We're learning about the color wheel. Hello college.
Cavemen vs astronauts. weapons to be determined. Who would win?
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
and i do believe that will be the last time you send me a photograph of our mother in her underwear.
dude, totally just walked home...using pizza as gloves
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