she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
Countdown til Saturday. I'd assume we're somewhere around 10,000 bottles of beer on the wall.
Is there any way to un-invite somebody to a wedding? I just checked out the other family, and I can't have a cockblock there.
He was such a tease, he pulled out his dick, let me touch it then put it away
One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
HEAR YE, HEAR YE! BY ROYAL DECREE, I WILL BE KNOCKING ON YOUR DOOR AT 2PM UNLESS YOU GET THE FUCK UP. IT'S 1:50. CIGARETTE TIME, BITCH. I LOVE YOU.
No talking tonight. Just drinking and puking up memories
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
You know I was thinking and I've never seen a penis in a whirlpool before
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
Randomize
