She said her name was "party"
I am gunna fuck the accent right out of her mouth
She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.
We need a plan...
Find random men. Use them as sexual objects. There's our plan.
The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
He said he was gonna go pull a lochte and the next thing we know he's outside ass naked peeing in the neighbors kiddie pool.
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
Randomize
