I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
he said he wants to do me james and the giant peach style. im afraid of what that means. but moderately excited. wish me luck.
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
Apparently william has a "couch montage"...an album of facebook photos of himself on different couches in various states of happiness and despair. A heartwrenching journey through what was clearly a significant part of his life. I'd mock him more but I think the fact that I looked through it means he's already won
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
I am. I woke up on someone's front lawn dressed as max Payne also be proud.
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
Accidentally made a straight guy question his sexuality again. I really gotta watch myself.
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
I think I'm emotionally ready to start being a slut again. I'm excited.
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
Randomize
