And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
I'm going to but the new Playboy with Chelsea Handler on the cover. I'm pretty sure it's the only time buying a Playboy will make me gayer...
I thought short asians scared me, however seeing my first tall asian I'm terrified.
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
He just gave himself a boner while driving using "the power of his mind"
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
We were on the ground in Tampa for 55 hours and we drank for 30 of them.
We won Spring Training 2013.
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
Remember when we were coked out at that house and we were trying to meditate in the bathroom? Who's house were we at?
Last thing I remember was a hand in the pants. Then I woke up next to a full beer and a McDouble, which I promptly had for breakfast.
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
I'm sending him pics of me in my new lingerie telling him to come over and when he gets here I'll have changed into like sweats and a 5 year old shirt with ketchup stains on it
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
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