you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
he was humming party in the usa while we were having sex.
Good, she had spurs on her boots. That is a sign for instant herp attack.
In anticipation of No Judgement Tuesday, I believe a Can We LOL At What We Did Last Night Saturday is in order
He better not be in your backpack
OH FOR FUCKS SAKE! SOMEONE TOOK ME FOR A GODDAMN PROSTITUTE!! IM WEARING LEG WARMERS!!! THAT IS LIKE THE LEAST HOOKERISH THING TO WEAR!
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
Thank you <3 he just looked at me, fist bumped me, and asked me what was on my titty....we may cut her off
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
i woke up with a kayak in my amazon shopping cart with 1 wrong digit on my credit card and the transaction wasn't going through.
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
He made her leave because she liked Top-Ramen better than Maruchaun. He's my hero.
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
I'm sitting in the car vaping at an elementary school to try and deal with the stress of existing. About how i thought being 30 would go for me tbh
Randomize
