i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
everytime someone famous vagina shows up in pics, i have to go check my own vagina to make sure mine dont look all wrinkledy and flabby like that....i want my lips plump and succulent
obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
I blacked in at 6:30am on the last stop on the train with a random fedora on? And I'm pretty sure I rode in a limo last night while eating pizza
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
When the state fair security guard came to yell at her for having outside food and drink she threatened to kick him if he tried to stop her and then she proceeded to chug the whole bottle.
classic
If there was a gecko involved in your BDSM I'm gonna have to request that not happen when we live together ;)
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
Randomize
