Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
What is the pluralization of human? I just got humen rejected, and I am going completely blank...
In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
Had her hockey skates on in the house. Whole floor is ruined.
The guy I wanted to make out with just got beat up, let's roll.
No He hasn't done that since the time he came in his own eye
Update - might be back in your neighbor's good graces. She liked the framed photo I gave her of me on the tractor with my business out.
I thought my sex drive was gone but let me tell you it is back with a vengeance
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
I figure blowing aggressively into a harmonica is better than screaming, "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME YOU SOCIOPATHIC SUCCUBUS" to my sister, in the middle of an auditorium, during my mothers college graduation ceremony.
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
can we do this tomorrow? ...i accidently got high.
God... We're terrible. I'm so proud of us.
I know! It makes me feel all warm inside. Or maybe that's just me getting closer to hell.
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