I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
Don't make out with my wife yet
I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
I really hope you are not drunk feeding a raccoon.
So take that alcohol. I still win. I ALWAYS WIN. Plus i didn't have to wear clothes. DOUBLE WIN.
I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
im questioning your sanity while also accepting your reality
He told me I remind him of his ex girlfriend but in a better more advanced way..
I think I had Hypothermia but was too drunk to notice.
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
Randomize
