on a scale of 1-10how much freaking out is acceptable if you just found a (possibly used) cock ring in the head board that your parents gave you?
Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
There are so many Jimmy John's employees here
Where are you?
Jimmy John's.
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
Went to a date party without a date and had a threesome wooops
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
Our DD has become famous. Strippers are asking to be handcuffed to him.
Look, sometimes you have to snapchat a topless photo of yourself in the middle of class just to prove you can. I can and I did. End of argument.
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
Hypothetically speaking, at what point does fire become too much fire?
I'm intrigued by how his mouth tasted the same as his dick.
Randomize
