Guys are so much hotter at OU. Come my mating season, I am flying south like the geese in the wintertime.
So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
He fucked my earring out of my ear. Of course he's coming over again.
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
nah we got kicked outta the bar after the bouncer saw us putting straws up Chelsea's nose to make her look like a walrus after she fell asleep at the table
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
On a completely different note: my hookup and i are now in a semester GPA competition. Winner gets froyo and sexual favors. School just got interesting.....
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
We are not having sex in the fucking kindergarten
I brought her cheeseburgers and tequila but she's still mad at me.
Ya know what's the worst? Being drunk and wanting to show someone a picture of your goddaughter but not wanting to open the pictures on your phone because the first one is of someone's dick..
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
Randomize
