why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
you know the rule: 3 consecutive asian hookups makes you an asian fetish guy, no exceptions
i was so blacked out at my family party.. my mom gave markers to all my little cousins. i was tagged by 5 year olds.
i feel like arbor mist is too classy for that. you need a colt 45
Yeah you're right. The one time when arbor mist is too classy
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
I remember because you made a pirate noise when you came.
He was trying to talk to me about standards while he had a french fry box on his hand like a glove and was using it to flatten his cheeseburger.
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
im drinking out of a pineapple, so yea.
I love that my family celebrates every holiday with a joint. Chanukah? Mazel-juana! Easter? What's more spring than the color green? Election day? What better way to celebrate democracy in action than medical pot?
Today some guy at work told me I had the nicest hair he's ever seen and my response was "thanks I grew it myself". This is why I'm single.
just saw the most amazing side boob. i wanted to hold it.
You ran up to my room. I was naked. You refused to leave without drugs. I love you.
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