I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
P.S, i don't recommend doing keg stands on top of vehicles.
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
he forgot we were at my place and not his so he tried kicking me out of my own apartment by saying "so, you can go whenever you want...."
Wait also totally unrelated but can horses sit down?
I just tried to picture one and I don't think they can cause I can't envision it
Best sex of my life. But I think it's because I like his apartment. Really nice bed sheets. High vaulted ceilings. I wanted to lay there forever.
You're getting old. Was it located in a nice school district for your future offspring?
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
Good news! Blood’s flowing!
We are balling out on levels, I think mikes about to go to jail. something to do with a unicorn and rainbows, the cops are not being reasonable.
Randomize