I have no idea what her name is. I only remember putting my dick between her ass cheeks.
By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
There are two people having sex in one of the showers right now trying to silence their orgasm sounds and failing. Thank you coed bathrooms.
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
Def something wrong w taking plan b with your daughters juice box
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
Everybody needs breakup sex. You just happened to get yours from a dude who hasn't reached the point of breakup yet. No biggie.
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
Randomize
