I was thinking about texting her and telling her I had syphilis when I was with her and that she should get tested. just for shits and giggles. skank dahaha
New low. Found an ant nibbling on my last xanax. Flicked it away and popped it in my mouth anyways.
During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
You screamed for campus security to do something about the police officer who dumping ur 40
I vagually remember taking your birthcontrol and washing it down with ash water
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
well after pounding on the ceiling for 5 mins i just went up there to tell them to shut up.. 2 hours later i'm naked, high, lying on their kitchen floor. it escalated so quickly
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
The only person who DOESN'T think it's a horrible idea to sleep with my ex is my therapist. Obviously I trust her judgement above all others.
Ain't no cockblock like hearing the word"HOOODOOORR!" shouted from the bedroom floor while in the middle of sex.
He just canceled. I got an amazing new dress and now he’s decided he’s spending the weekend with his family
In other news, there’s some rando in an expensive hotel bar who is going to get very lucky tonight because I love the way this dress makes my tits look. Want to help me find him?
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