none of my boyfriends are responding right now, I thought I had enough to avoid this problem
theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
you would have Pina Colada flavored saliva.
Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
I had fun. Till he melissa etheridged my ass and came to my window.
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
Let's play, "guess how long my Neighbours have been watching me dance naked".
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
Randomize
