Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
hah yeah. there was a kid puking in the bathroom and this idiot brings in a potted plant and was like "yeah he's like, not getting enough oxygen"
Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
sooo what's the appropriate music to listen to after you find out the dude you been fucking, is legit married with kids...what genre is that?
Congrats. You are not detrimental enough to my psyche to be discussed during this mornings therapy appointment. Please follow up next week to see if you made the cut.
We were on the ground in Tampa for 55 hours and we drank for 30 of them.
We won Spring Training 2013.
I wish I got like a congrats basket for being a responsible sexually active member of society complete with condoms, tissues and lollipops.
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
If this gives you any indication of my current state, I stopped at Meijer after work and bought funyuns, pregnancy tests and chocolate.
Banged a guy with 2 broken arms once. Top that
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
Randomize