I have decided that a Nickelback cover band would be the pinnacle of loserdom.
After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
The only thing worse than cracking my rib on a slip and slide was having the doctors laugh when they found out in my medical history that I did this exact same thing last summer.
Dude...disintegrating condoms. Think about it. For all the guys that wanna go raw dog but their girls won't let them, and for the girls that wanna get pregnant but their guys don't want a kid. What do you think?
I think you've been hitting the soco too hard again.
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
I stood in my living room with two beers in my hand asking these said beers if they were going to drink each other. I then insisted that I would drink them and chugged both. Happy Halloween.
Let's get a hotel room this time. I really don't want to sleep in a Dennys parking lot again.
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
Is her dick bigger than yours?
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
Randomize
