I woke up at 7am naked in my bathtub with the shower running. My apartment was so full of steam that my ceiling was dripping. Who thought it would be okay for me to get my own place, anyway?
So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
she is the female version of PC from the mac and pc commercials..i'll still hit tho
I pulled my tongue muscle last night. your welcome.
and my souvenir for the night was a nice ambulance blanket
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
He's talking about me being Slave Princess Leia and how he'll chain me up. I don't have the heart to point out that he would be Jabba in that scenario...Is it bad that his lack of SW knowledge is destroying my lady boner?
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
Running my fingers through my hair is like that scene from Patch Adams where the girl goes swimming in a pool of spaghetti. I love molly.
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
I wiped my ass with some girl's sock, I would honestly admit if I hate Caitlin's sandwich.
So if you wanna come get your pants you can. But you have to come in your boxers. Rules are rules!
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
He can sense you did cocaine and had park sex with a large ginger from Australia last night.
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