I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
she went to type in rate my professors and rate my pussy came up in my recent searches. needless to say, i will likely be masturbating to the aforementioned site tonight.
i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
sitting alone on a bench with a sombrero and a bottle of vodka. really angry i got here before you guys.
He is stood at the top of the stairs nursing the stolen cat
I agree though, his intact virginity is truly the tragedy of the century.
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
Update: That guy is no longer in the restroom, so he's probably not dead.
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
I swear to the sweet baby jesus I didn't fill your freezer with salsa and my little pony toys, but I didn't stop them either.
We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae
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