woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
Just got a blowjob to the theme of Bohemian Rhapsody as the sun was rising. I should just kill myself because ill never top this moment.
yeah, but i heard shes schizophrenic
i wouldn't even care dude, i'd fuck her and all 7 of her personalities.
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
He would stand there for a few seconds with a blank look on his face then randomly start running full sprint towards macdonalds. We'd catch him and he'd promise to stop so we'd let him go and he'd do it again.
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
I just want to know what horrible accidents of evolution allowed that tiny penis to exist
I've reached the gravitational age where it's very hard to get my face and my boobs in the same shot without some kind of yoga involved .
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
i was on the fire escape while he ate me out for a while before i realized he had shut the door behind us and locked us out and i proceeded to climb down the stairs and climb back into the party through the window.
i can only hope to be on your level one day.
You what they say. One dick in the hand is better than two in the bush
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
Randomize
