Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
like a sex slave...but with a better dental insurance plan
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
i hope this doesn't spoil anything but there are vikings and it is awesome
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
So I think before Superbowl weekend begins we should all take a look back on last year and learn from our pitfalls... AKA no touchdown shots and kitchen crying.
They're making him take his shirt off cause they think he's the bouncer. We're in his backyard.
Sometimes while peeing I'll go hands free, put my arms up by my chest and make claw hands, and pretend I'm a new type of dinosaur called Dickosaurus Rex.
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
Randomize