Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
Yea...but the guy who is beating me has a ponytail. So actually, I'm the winner here.
Ok. Cause im very serious about this. I wanna strip and do coke for a month
its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
I didn't think four grown drunk men could cuddle on a twin size bed, but we found a way.
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
We don't have the same problems as normal people do we?
Hook ups at LEGOLAND don't count right?
Are we playing inappropriate sexual encounters bingo?
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
I Woke up still tied to the bed. I would say, it was a good night!
His boxer smelled like clean laundry while I was giving him head. It was delightful, like sucking a dick in a spring meadow.
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
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