the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
he thinks the dog can do a keg stand. i will let you know how it turns out
We are going all out this weekend. My liver is already smiling.
I asked you if you needed a ride and you kept saying "no, my name is katelyn"
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
The object of the game was to pour tequila into a sombrero and drink as much as you can before it leaked through, 'Big Papi' won.
He's a prodigy! It would be a service to the scientific community.
15 is 15
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
I turn 40 next week. I deserve to celebrate the end of my 30’s with a 21 year old dick
Do you think it's my receding hair line that makes all the milfs attracted to me??
Randomize
