I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.
I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
Can you pinpoint the moment you decided it was acceptable to trade blow jobs for beers or was it a gradual slide?
I'm a big fan of your penis but I will not sit through an animated movie dedicated to it.
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
Dan I was a mess I made out with a 40 yr old who gave me a wad of cash for Christmas. Like wtf
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
I just laughed so hard that my back cracked so hard that I thought I was cumming. Magic
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
Was that before, or after strip tac toe.....
Randomize
