matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
It was everywhere, it looked like he just took the leftovers and threw them around the bathroom... Festively...
What's the over under on catching something from your sister?
Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
woke up to a family dragging me under their beach umbrella, they poured water on me bc they "thought I was dead" then fed me quesadillas and nursed me back to health... gotta love Cabo
Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.
like are we talking 'quick beer' bad or 'break out the real vodka' bad
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
Whats a little naked between friends. Just don't laugh or I'll be scared for life.
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
Randomize
