Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
haha i took a picture of myself naked on her camera
She didnt have a camera...
Did you see the soccer ref give that girl the red card as she was being kicked out of the party?
i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
I want to say that being forced to stare at the 'no.1 boyfriend' collage behind his head ruined the sex but it just didn't.
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
Freedom, beauty, truth, and love to all. I also probably have syphilis
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Randomize
