I dinstinctly remember making out to "I believe I can fly" and waving my arms like a bird to the beat.
Every time I hit my bowl my neighbors set off fireworks... I stop, they stop. I start again, they start again. Too high for this.
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
I need to get a life, I am either crying at every glee episode or just wanting to blow rails off photos of us
My fake id got more birthday sex than I've had in my life.
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
BOOTY CALL IN EFFECT, BOOTY CALL IN PROCESS, BOOTY CALL ACCEPTED, AND BOOTY CALL INITIATES FRIDAY NIGHT.
I told him I was on the pill and it was OK to fire away. I want to never have to wear panty house or ever go to an office again. This is my early retirement plan. I want half of his NBA money.
I didn't think four grown drunk men could cuddle on a twin size bed, but we found a way.
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
I THINK HE DOES. OMG!!!!! OMG I FUCKED A GUY W A FAKE LEG AND I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW!!!!!!????!!!!!!!!!
Apparently I told the mayor I want to be a trophy wife
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