my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
Could someone please kill snooki before she contributes to the gene pool.
i will be the first lesbian to ever fail women's studies.
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
I just had a boat ride of shame. With Senior Citizens.
the head trauma was worth the blowjob.
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
is 250 jello shots considered an open container?
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
Randomize
