my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
The class that normally occupies the room we use for my Monday class had to do posters as if for a Hamlet movie and they pick actors for each character and this person wrote "Robert D. Niro"
guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
So i've def seen the girl running for student body VP getting fingered in a bar.
Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
I know. You don't know poor life choice until your sitting on the floor of a community bathroom waiting to vomit at 4 am
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
The gay is strong with you! You're more concerned about my outfit than my safety.
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
my dry spell has ended & now it's like a tsunami of dick i can't handle it
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
A lady played my boobs as if they were drums. It's been that kinda night.
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