eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
is asking a girl out on a date while in another girls bed in poor taste?
Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
Russians do not operate on the same level as the rest of us. hoping I wake up tomorrow
It's gonna be one of those someone is getting divorced parties
Until you have had Country Grammar stuck in your head whilst writing a Supreme Court brief you've never lived.
BILL GATES DONALD TRUMP LET ME IN NOW
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
I'VE LOST MY DIGNITY, MY PRIDE, AND EVEN MY BOOTY CALL. HAPPY THANKSGIVING.
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
Randomize
