Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
Can I have my ID back now or are you using it to crossdress again?
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
He cheated on me in real life. I can cheat at words with friends.
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
I don't know if I want to fuck him or punch him in the face.
So like if I threw up in my purse is that "don't ever show your face in public again" worthy or just slightly frowned upon
We discussed how many times we've passed out during sex. The answers may shock you.
Still riding the magical train of drugs so, yeah, Id say I feel great
Is it weird that my mother is taking body shots off my gf after meeting once?
I just don't understand what you plan on accomplishing there except for losing all vestiges of post-freshman year dignity
Randomize
