ask if his dick looks like a sausage. alex's bro told me that's a sure sign. btw took pain pills. maybe shouldn't listen to me.
My mom just told me that after i turned eight i stopped growing mentally and emotionally
You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
was it morally wrong to have used his girlfriends makeup after i fucked him?
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
The guy who just got ate on True Blood had the same balls as you.
You should have thought about how you were going to treat me before having me take photos of your asshole.
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
Randomize
