god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
Had a 3 sum last night, and today food just taste better and the air seems so much fresher!
Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
Yeah, my mom walked in on us. Instead of yelling, she went and hid in the bathroom til we finished. It was pretty classy.
I don't know, I don't really wanna ask the question, "Mom why am I not circumcised?"
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
My god this is going to ruin whatever Vegas left of our souls...
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
Was i rolling around in a parking lot last night
Oh no. Did we do a blood oath again?!
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
The ass gains better be worth it
Randomize
