Too late. I'm going over there. I'm a bad example for all women: Do as I say, not who I do.
I'm driving behind a lime green VW that has "Seniors '10!" shoe polished on the rear window. i haven't even seen her yet, but I do have a boner.
I hope my margaritas pass through security.
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
We had sex on the beach. I was completely naked except for my sneakers. That's when you know
A few days ago I apparently came up, asked her to make me soup, and handed her a can of coconut milk.
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
Randomize